


Paralyzed

by marvel_fanfictions



Series: song fics [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Prequel, Gen, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loki (Marvel)-centric, No Slash, No Smut, POV Loki (Marvel), Please Don't Hate Me, Prequel to Thor, Rape Aftermath, Self-Harm, Statutory Rape, Underage Rape/Non-con, five times and one time, i wrote this instead of doing homework, young loki, young thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 13:59:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17427236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvel_fanfictions/pseuds/marvel_fanfictions
Summary: “Hello, my Prince, how are you?”“I’m fine, thank you.” he replied flatly.“Good, have any plans for the weekend? Maybe we could have another picnic,” She suggested. Loki was glad he agreed to that hunt earlier.ORFive times Loki was fine and one time he wasn't.





	Paralyzed

Loki trembled as he drew in shuddery breaths. Blood was crusted under his fingernails, and his skin was raw, but at least it wasn’t dripping anymore, mostly just a slow ooze. He got up from where he was sitting on the toilet, having been staring at his wounds. He pulled some supplies out from the cabinet, and applied some gauze material over his arms and chest and quickly pulled his shirt back on. He made sure that the gauze was not visible from the shirt sleeves before he washed his hands and watched the pink water go down the drain.

Loki splashed some water over his face and patted it dry, and tried to take a deep breath to calm his nerves as he came to his senses. This was ridiculous, he was fine. He was going to be fine anyways.  
He just needed to forget about it.

He practiced a smile before standing upright and leaving the bathroom finally.

He was fine.

\---

“Hey, Loki, do you want to come on a hunt with me today?” Thor asked over breakfast a few days later.

Loki shrugged indifferently. “How long will you be going?”

“Just for the weekend. Father says we need to be back for our studies,” Thor explained, adding the second part with a slight pout. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for learning… as long as it was physical. He didn’t care for the academic learning really.

“I suppose. I need to collect some herbs for my store, anyways. Might as well kill two birds with one stone,” Loki shrugged.

“We possibly could!” Thor grinned, before turning to his breakfast to shovel the last of his food in his mouth. Loki grimaced slightly at the sight, but returned to his own food.

Loki finished his food and got up to head to his room, wanting to make a list of the herbs he needed and to pack before they left. He was mumbling things he already knew he needed when he turned the corner and saw her, and stiffened.

The maid looked at Loki and smirked slightly as he walked past.

“Hello, my Prince, how are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” he replied flatly.

“Good, have any plans for the weekend? Maybe we could have another picnic,” She suggested. Loki was glad he agreed to that hunt earlier.

“I hate to decline, but I am going on a hunt with Thor, and won’t be back until the beginning of the week,” he replied. The prince could feel his arms burning again, along with his shoulders and chest. His heart was pounding, but he controlled his emotions behind a mask. 

He was fine.

“Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go pack.” Loki walked around her quickly, keeping his eyes down slightly as he did. His face was starting to heat up, and his eyes stung.

He was fine.

He hurried in his room and headed to the study that was off to one side, checking his stores and trying hard to distract himself.  
He made his list and packed up, soon meeting up with Thor to leave for their hunt.

\---

He was suffocating. He was sure of it.

The subtle but choking smell was overwhelming him, and his skin was on fire.

“Loki,” the voice he heard did not match the face he saw looking down at him. It was so much deeper and huskier than the once he expected.

“No-” he panted, trying to screw his eyes shut.

Soon his eyes flew open, and he sat up, pushing the heavy body away from him.

“No!” he managed out, scrambling to get away from those strong hands trying to hold him down.

“Loki, Loki, it’s me. You’re okay.” Thor was trying to get Loki’s eyes to focus on him, letting go of his shoulders and raising his hands up.

Loki panted and crawled back from Thor, needing the space. His forehead was covered in sweat, and blood was pounding in his ears for a moment before he saw bright blue eyes creased with confusion in front of him.

The prince tried to control his breathing suddenly.

“Are you alright?” Thor asked as he saw the fog fade from Loki’s eyes and saw his focus return.

Loki nodded and gave a soft sigh.

“Just a bad dream. I’m fine,” he said, adding the second part more for himself.

Thor nodded as he stepped back from Loki’s cot.

Loki could see the light gray sky from outside the slit in the tent and took another deep breath to ground himself. His skin was still hot, but the sound of birds chirping and the sound of the wind rustling in the trees from above the tent was distracting him enough to calm down.

Loki pulled himself out of his cot, deciding to start the fire so they could cook their breakfast before they left on their hunt.  
Loki chanted a short incantation to start the fire after adding some fresh kindling to the fire from the night before.

Thor soon came out in his armor, and went to check on the horses. He glanced at his little brother, seeing the slight fog return to his eyes as he worked on breakfast. He wasn’t going to pressure Loki to tell him what he dreamt about, but he was still curious. 

The two usually were close. When they were younger, Thor would often wake to Loki sneaking into his room from bad dreams, but he hadn’t done that for quite some time. He hoped that Loki had simply stopped having nightmares, but now he wasn’t so sure.

Thor returned to a finished breakfast and saw that Loki had already made his plate for him with the usual amount, set in his seat on the log. Loki seemed more like himself, Thor noted as he took his plate to eat.

Loki was fine.

\---

The hunt was successful. They returned with a basket of fish and stag, which was all packed on the pack horse they had bought with them. The brothers put the horse back in the stables after dropping their catches off to the kitchens to be prepared for dinner that night, with instructions to drop the hide and antlers off at the tannery and taxidermist.

Loki had his various herbs collected in small jars in his bag to preserve them until he got to his room to add them to his stores. He wandered down the halls, lost in thought before he saw her down the hall, dusting a vase. He stilled before he realized and took off before she saw him. He hurried down the hall, taking the long way back to his room.

He was fine.

The young prince took a deep breath as he headed to his chambers. He gave a last look over his shoulder before he ducked into his chambers and shut the door tightly behind him. He uttered a charm to alert him if someone approached the door and locked it.

He wandered over to his study and started to organize his herbs in their respective stores.

He was fine.

\---

Loki gasped and sat up abruptly from yet another dream. He had been clawing at himself in his sleep, and when he looked down at his arms he saw he had ripped away his gauze and opened his wounds again. His fingers were stained with red blood again.

Loki shook as he got out of bed and headed for his ensuite, turning on the baths faucet to as cold as he could. He stripped from his clothes and winced as the sleeves tugged and pressed on his forearms.

Soon he was in the cold bath, scraping a wash rag over himself. His skin was soon a bright red with the cold and the rough treatment. He needed the feeling gone gone gone gone.

He was going to be fine.

After the bath water had gone lukewarm, Loki pulled himself from the bath, seeing the water was a dark pink color, and the wash rag was bright red. He tossed the rag in a waste basket and drained the tub. He dressed his wounds again and after he dried off, he went to change for the day.

He was fine.

\---

He was not fine.

She was there, invited to a banquet with some of the other staff members to thank them for their service in the palace. 

It was something Frigga had put together each year around the middle of summer, and had started almost 500 years ago when Loki and Thor were around their 400th and 500th years. Of course the prince’s were required to attend, along with major staff members and a handful of selected members who had been exceptionally helpful or were in line for a promotion in position.  
Now, Loki was sat at the table, and that woman was across the table from him. He kept his gaze down on his plate, aware of her eyes on him.

“Prince Loki,” He stiffened at the title and looked up without moving his head from his downward glance.

“I had so much fun, I would really enjoy if we continued where we left off last time,” She said softly, leaning across the table so he could hear her through the commotion.

Loki’s grip on his fork was so tight, his knuckles were white and he was surprised he hadn’t broken it.

He dropped the fork, shoved himself away from the table and left the hall. He didn’t realize until he was out of the dining hall and someone had called his name.

“Loki?”

The prince gasped and began to sprint down the hall. His eyes were stinging and his breathing was very labored. He stopped around the corner of a corridor once he felt he was far enough away and stopped. His eyes were blurry and he could barely register noises above his blood roaring in his ears.

He startled as he felt a hand on his shoulder and ripped himself away from whomever it was holding him.

“No!” he roared in retaliation as he scrambled back.

“Loki- Loki, it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you. Loki.” Frigga’s voice was firm, but not unkind as she tried to reach him, holding his shoulders firmly.

“Let go of me- don’t- don’t touch me!” Loki tried to pull himself away from Frigga, tears streaming down his cheeks, losing the strength to his fight slowly. His protests died away as he broke down sobbing.

He was not okay.

Frigga pulled him into her arms as they sunk to the floor together, only the sounds of Loki’s hiccuping cries and Frigga’s occasional shushing were heard. Frigga was smoothing back his hair gently, waiting for him to calm down enough to talk.  
“There there, you’re okay,” she assured gently, rocking him slowly. Loki was gripping at her robes now, and turned to bury his face in her shoulder.

“”M not okay,” he mumbled, pulling away from her and wiping at his eyes, hiccuping again.

“What is wrong?” she asked as she tucked his hair back behind his ear, noticing it had become disheveled to match his emotional state, compared to the neat look from earlier.

Loki looked down, unsure if he was able to say.

“My dear boy, you can tell me anything, I hope you know that,” she said as if reading his mind, tilting his head up by the chin to watch him. “It is just you and me,” she added.

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.

“You wouldn’t believe me,” he murmured softly.

“Loki, I will always believe you. Why would you think I wouldn’t?” she asked sadly.

“Remember that… courting night I had with Lady Kari?” he asked softly, still not looking at Frigga in the eyes. Frigga nodded, unsure what a date from almost a fortnight had to do with now, but she was patient.

“We found a secluded spot, and she… she wanted to get intimate. I wasn’t sure how far she meant, until she had removed our clothing.” his voice cracked and waivered, curling on himself. Frigga rubbed his back lightly as she waited for him to continue. She had an idea where this might be headed, but didn’t want to interrupt and assume.

Loki shut his eyes tightly and clenched his fists tightly. He felt sick, like he was going to throw up and he started picturing it again in vivid detail. He forced his eyes open to quit seeing it.

“She- we started, but it felt wrong and I didn’t want to keep going. I told her I wanted to stop… but she told me no, and pinned me down before continuing,” he finally explained.

He was practically vibrating he was shaking so hard all over. Frigga didn’t respond right away, feeling her heart break as she listened.

“Please don’t make me go back in there,” he pleaded softly.

Frigga pulled him closer to him.

“Oh, Loki,” She said sadly, her own voice cracking as she rocked him gently, “You won’t ever have to see her again. Thank you for telling me,” she said, kissing the top of his head before tucking his head under her chin and hugging him close.

Loki clutched at her robes and buried his face in the crook of her neck as more tears made their way down his cheeks. Frigga held him until he calmed down enough.

“Let’s get you into bed,” She said softly. If he were younger, she wouldn’t hesitate to carry him to his room. In the last hundred years, however, he had grown to tower almost a full foot taller than her now, and almost doubled her weight.

Loki slowly nodded, too exhausted to argue any further. Frigga glanced down and gently wiped under his eyes as she helped him stand, keeping her arm around him as she lead him to his chambers.

Once in the room, Frigga pulled back the covers to let him crawl into bed.

“Can you stay?” Loki’s voice was barely audible. His eyes were wide, sad, and pleading as he looked up at Frigga.

“As long as you want me to,” She said softly, smoothing back his hair. Loki relaxed as she sat on the edge of the bed, running her hand through his hair gently.

Eventually exhaustion won and Loki’s heavy lids finally fell shut and drifted off. He was still clutching at Frigga’s dress robes, and she continued smoothing his hair back until his breathing was evened out.

She would deal with Kari later, for now she needed to make sure her son was okay.

And he was going to be fine.

He was fine.

**Author's Note:**

> so I was just messing around with this and exploring my messed up head a bit and this kinda happened.
> 
> Some [neat] notes I had along the way:
> 
> Loki is the equivalent of about 14/15 in this story.  
> (he is actually around 900 years old... so 900/5000=0.18, then 0.18x80 (average human lifespan)=14.4)
> 
> Kari in Norse means Chaste; Pure, which I thought was ironic for the story. Sorry...
> 
> The song that inspired the title was called Paralyzed, by NF. Recently I have enjoyed a few of his songs and I was listening to it while writing the last scene. I recommend his music. Yes it is rap, but its clean rap and he actually had meaning behind all his music, unlike "Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang."
> 
> I may edit later, who knows. But for now here it is, I need to go read my textbook now.
> 
> Please leave feed back! I know my writing isn't the best, so I need your feed back so I can get better! Please be courteous about it, though.
> 
> Thank you in advance for your kudos and comments!


End file.
